Little Smiths

33 years

I went through almost the whole last year thinking I was 33 years old.  Such a great surprise when my birthday came around, and I remembered that I had in fact only been 32.  You lose count once you pass all of the exciting birthdays.  At 18 you're an adult, at 21 you are legal to do whatever it is that non mormon young adults do.  (How should I know, I was off havin' babies by then.)  At 25, I think your insurance rates are lowered.  30 is a big one, because it's like "whoa, I 'm 30!" but after that you kind of have a dull stretch for a while.

HowEVer, I do have to say that my 33rd birthday was pretty wonderful, and one that I will remember for a very long time.

I was able to celebrate a week early with a group of close friends.  We sat around the campfire, eating junk food and sipping raspberry lemonade while we chatted and laughed until way past all of our bed times.   Such a fun night.
It would be great if I had a picture to insert below, but I didn't even think to take one.
I'll always remember though, sitting there thinking I have the greatest friends ever and feeling like one lucky old lady. ;)

This one was taken a few days later, just before J took me out for my big 'birthday date.'

He told me that we were going out, that my mom would be watching the kids, and that we needed to leave at around 7:30....but he wouldn't tell me where we were going.

I absolutely love it when J makes plans and I have no idea what we are doing.  I was so excited just for a night out without having to do any of the work.

I actually did know where we were going, but I pretended like I didn't. Clearly when you're waiting until 7:30 to go out AND you will be eating there, he is taking you to the new Dine in Theater at Painters Crossing, where he can cuddle up next to you in the new comfy lounging seats while watching a movie.

No brainer.

Still, I allowed him to blind fold me in the car so I 'wouldn't know where we were going'.

He took all these crazy turns to try to confuse me and.....he was indeed successful.  By the time he parked the car I had no idea where we actually were.

He took off the blind fold and.... what?  This wasn't the theater.  We were parked in a brick house neighborhood.  Still disoriented,  I turned around and saw a friend of mine standing there in her apron in front of her house with the most amazing smells coming from her kitchen window.   After we laughed about the blindfold  and Jordan's sneakiness she led us to her back patio where we would be eating dinner... and then my world was all turned upside down again, because gathered on the back patio was a whole group of people smiling back at me and saying surprise!   I was absolutely stunned. 

I can't even imagine what the look on my face was at that moment.  All I remember is me saying "whaaaat?!"

The group consisted of the women I work out with every morning and some of their husbands.

One by one they each walked over and gave me a hug. I was totally speechless and  I so wished I had gotten around to taking a shower that day.  We sat around the table and had the most delicious candle lit mexican meal (because they know Mexican food is my favorite) while we talked and laughed, again, until waaaay past all of our bed times.

Again, no picture to share, sadly.

I got in the car after the party was over and told Jordan, 

"I don't even know what to say...or even how to describe what it feels like to have your friends do something like that for you."  It was definitely a night I will never forget.

AND they gave me the best gift ever.

 90 minutes??  That's almost sinful.

On my actual birthday I was showered with love from family and friends from afar.  I love hearing from people I never get to talk to normally.  My husband took part of the day off to hang with me, and my mom spoiled us with a stroganoff dinner which I requested because it was a childhood favorite of mine.  She is such an amazing cook, I'm telling you.  I even got to drink out of the green goblet, which growing up, was our special birthday glass.  33 and feeling like a kid again. :)  This year for dessert I requested chocolate pudding and vanilla ice cream.  If you haven't had it before, go and try it right now.  It is something I could eat every day...and actually, since that day, I have. 

Jordan gave me some perfect gifts and the girls made me some sweet little cards:

When we left Mom's house that evening and arrived home, this is what we walked into.

The  picture doesn't even do this decorating job justice.  It was totally impressive.. 

My friends are so sneaky, and absolutely amazing. They definitely know how to make a woman feel special.

Do you see the Spanish Dancing lady on the door?  After all of the other decorations came down, she stayed on our front door for a few days (in varying poses) before I had to finally bring her inside.  Now she resides in my closet.  Included in those 2 gift bags you see there were all the supplies you could ever need for a party, as well as a year supply of my favorite candy...which really only lasted 3 days... since I shared.

Thank you so much to everyone who made my day so unforgettable.

**Just now as I was getting ready to post this (at 12:45 am) I caught a glimpse of a centipede on the inside of my bedskirt.

Then.... this happened:

She's awake now.

Our little miracle

A long overdue summary of Gracelyn's birth story:
I've started this post at least 5 different times...but the words just weren't ever coming out right.
I guess there are no words, really, to describe how a miracle feels.
I was so nervous about the day of our baby's birth.  I had no idea what to expect or how our lives were about to change.
My labor was hard.  I was given pitocin to induce labor, and was also given an epidural, as planned, to ease the pain.  Long story short, the epidural was administered incorrectly (hit a vessel and had to back out and re-poke.(unsure of the medical term here) ) and gave me only partial temporary relief until it somehow stopped working all together, and then.... I almost died.  Or at least I wanted to. ;)  I was passing plum sized blood clots that the doctors had no explanation for.  The pain from the pitocin was so unbearable, I kept telling Jordan "I can't do this." And then I would moan and whimper, and grab on to the bed railings with all of my strength to get me through the contractions, and then before I could breathe, another one would start again. I was such a mess.  I kept having Jordan Google medical 'things' because I didn't understand what was going on..  Babe, go google 'Epidural back pain.' Google 'what side to lay on when epidural is administered.  Google 'epidural in blood vessel'.  Clearly, this was not going according to my plan at all.  I was cursing my anesthesiologist under my breath...ha! (but for real).  How dare he mess this up for me!

  In an attempt to ease my pain and help me relax, Jordan went to the sink and soaked a washcloth in cold water....and then dripped it all over my face.   I think he must have seen that on a movie at some point in time.  It was the last thing in the world that I needed at that moment, but it was very sweet of him to try.  He said later, after everything was over, "Just be honest.  You wanted to kill me when I was dripping water all over your face, didn't you?"
I progressed from 6 cm to 10 cm in about 10 minutes.  It was one of those stories you hear so often of when the nurse checks, not expecting much change and then whaaaat, there's the baby's head!
The pain.  Ohhh, the pain.  But that moment, when the baby is delivered and all of the pain goes away.... you hear her cry and they place her on your chest, and you realize that you're not dreaming...that it's all real, and she is yours.  That feeling is something that cannot be described.

She cried for just a few seconds was all, and then stared into my eyes like she knew exactly who I was.  I couldn't believe how perfect she looked.  I couldn't believe any of it.  I couldn't stop crying.

Gracelyn was examined by a few doctors the following day.  They needed to follow up on all of the abnormalities that had been noted while she was in utero, and see what it all amounted to, if anything.

She looked unbelievably perfect to me.  I couldn't imagine anything at all being wrong with her.

I watched as the pediatrician felt her neck and did an entire body examination.  She sat with us after she was done and explained that Gracelyn had a little bit of webbing on her neck, and a few markings on her skin that could be indicitive of 2 genetic syndromes.  Turner Syndrome and Noonan's.  She told us that she was going to have a geneticist come in and talk with us about some testing that would need to take place.

Our hearts were crushed that a genetic problem was still a possibility, but at the same time, we were so grateful that of all the things it could have been, it wasn't a more serious issue.

I cried a lot that day.  Hormones...emotions...post birth cramps.  Awful stuff.

The genetecist came, talked with us about the two syndromes, and ordered that two blood tests take place that day.  We would hear within a few weeks whether the results were positive or negative.

When we took our baby girl home that night, I remember laying her in her bassinet next to my bed, and sleeping with her hand wrapped around my finger.  I wondered if she could feel the love that was exploding from my heart, for her.

The results of the Turner Syndrome test came back just a few days later.  They were negative.  The results for Noonan's...we don't know.  Somehow the test tube was lost, or whatever else could possibly happen to a tube full of baby's blood. It never made it to the lab.  We felt that it wasn't necessary to do any further testing by that point, because our pediatrician had given us enough assurance that she did not have the characteristics that most often go along with Noonan Syndrome.

Had one of these tests been positive, or if  Gracelyn had been born with any other disorder or defect, we would have been just as full of love and gratitude for our little girl and the opportunity to learn and grow from the experience of raising her....but how unbelievably grateful we are that at this point in time she will not have to face what we feared she might have to throughout her life.  She is healthy, she is happy, and she is so loved by so many.

Many of you prayed and fasted for her and for us throughout my pregnancy and I just wanted to make sure you understand how deeply grateful we are for each of you.

She's our beautiful little miracle.