Our little miracle

A long overdue summary of Gracelyn's birth story:
I've started this post at least 5 different times...but the words just weren't ever coming out right.
I guess there are no words, really, to describe how a miracle feels.
I was so nervous about the day of our baby's birth.  I had no idea what to expect or how our lives were about to change.
My labor was hard.  I was given pitocin to induce labor, and was also given an epidural, as planned, to ease the pain.  Long story short, the epidural was administered incorrectly (hit a vessel and had to back out and re-poke.(unsure of the medical term here) ) and gave me only partial temporary relief until it somehow stopped working all together, and then.... I almost died.  Or at least I wanted to. ;)  I was passing plum sized blood clots that the doctors had no explanation for.  The pain from the pitocin was so unbearable, I kept telling Jordan "I can't do this." And then I would moan and whimper, and grab on to the bed railings with all of my strength to get me through the contractions, and then before I could breathe, another one would start again. I was such a mess.  I kept having Jordan Google medical 'things' because I didn't understand what was going on..  Babe, go google 'Epidural back pain.' Google 'what side to lay on when epidural is administered.  Google 'epidural in blood vessel'.  Clearly, this was not going according to my plan at all.  I was cursing my anesthesiologist under my breath...ha! (but for real).  How dare he mess this up for me!

  In an attempt to ease my pain and help me relax, Jordan went to the sink and soaked a washcloth in cold water....and then dripped it all over my face.   I think he must have seen that on a movie at some point in time.  It was the last thing in the world that I needed at that moment, but it was very sweet of him to try.  He said later, after everything was over, "Just be honest.  You wanted to kill me when I was dripping water all over your face, didn't you?"
I progressed from 6 cm to 10 cm in about 10 minutes.  It was one of those stories you hear so often of when the nurse checks, not expecting much change and then whaaaat, there's the baby's head!
The pain.  Ohhh, the pain.  But that moment, when the baby is delivered and all of the pain goes away.... you hear her cry and they place her on your chest, and you realize that you're not dreaming...that it's all real, and she is yours.  That feeling is something that cannot be described.

She cried for just a few seconds was all, and then stared into my eyes like she knew exactly who I was.  I couldn't believe how perfect she looked.  I couldn't believe any of it.  I couldn't stop crying.

Gracelyn was examined by a few doctors the following day.  They needed to follow up on all of the abnormalities that had been noted while she was in utero, and see what it all amounted to, if anything.

She looked unbelievably perfect to me.  I couldn't imagine anything at all being wrong with her.

I watched as the pediatrician felt her neck and did an entire body examination.  She sat with us after she was done and explained that Gracelyn had a little bit of webbing on her neck, and a few markings on her skin that could be indicitive of 2 genetic syndromes.  Turner Syndrome and Noonan's.  She told us that she was going to have a geneticist come in and talk with us about some testing that would need to take place.

Our hearts were crushed that a genetic problem was still a possibility, but at the same time, we were so grateful that of all the things it could have been, it wasn't a more serious issue.

I cried a lot that day.  Hormones...emotions...post birth cramps.  Awful stuff.

The genetecist came, talked with us about the two syndromes, and ordered that two blood tests take place that day.  We would hear within a few weeks whether the results were positive or negative.

When we took our baby girl home that night, I remember laying her in her bassinet next to my bed, and sleeping with her hand wrapped around my finger.  I wondered if she could feel the love that was exploding from my heart, for her.

The results of the Turner Syndrome test came back just a few days later.  They were negative.  The results for Noonan's...we don't know.  Somehow the test tube was lost, or whatever else could possibly happen to a tube full of baby's blood. It never made it to the lab.  We felt that it wasn't necessary to do any further testing by that point, because our pediatrician had given us enough assurance that she did not have the characteristics that most often go along with Noonan Syndrome.

Had one of these tests been positive, or if  Gracelyn had been born with any other disorder or defect, we would have been just as full of love and gratitude for our little girl and the opportunity to learn and grow from the experience of raising her....but how unbelievably grateful we are that at this point in time she will not have to face what we feared she might have to throughout her life.  She is healthy, she is happy, and she is so loved by so many.

Many of you prayed and fasted for her and for us throughout my pregnancy and I just wanted to make sure you understand how deeply grateful we are for each of you.

She's our beautiful little miracle.